Sam's Clean Joke of the Day Archive
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I just soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not back then - just now when I went ''ROARRRR!''"
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn''t do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That''s all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
"How did school go today? a mother asked her little boy. "Fine", the little fellow replied. "We had a new teacher and she wanted to know if I had any brothers and I told her I was an only child". What did she say?" his mother asked. "The teacher said, "Thank goodness"
The driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road; and the student remained completely calm.
"This time you’re doing fine!" exclaimed the instructor. "Yes," the novice driver agreed.
"Now when I see another car coming, I shut my eyes."
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don''t have to let your wife bully you," she said. "Go home and show her you''re the boss."
The husband decided to take the doctor''s advice.
He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife''s face, and growled, "From now on you''re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"
"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."